remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
