i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
