I think I am morally bankrupt
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
