i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
