You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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