I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
