pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
