So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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