I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
