three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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