just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
