well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
