pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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