I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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