Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
