I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
