I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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