ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
