Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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