i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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