the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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