I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
