he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
