it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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