Betty ford says i'm here all night
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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