I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize