weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
