All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
