new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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