Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
God, I missed his penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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