O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize