I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
