I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
