i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
