If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
