My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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