My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize