In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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