Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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