Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
