I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize