how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize