YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
