I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
how does that bad decision feel?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize