I just made out with a guy for $7.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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