Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
