I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
