i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think i have two assholes
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
