we're blogging at a bar
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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