I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
