I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
