Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
