They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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