We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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