Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
