I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
