Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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