No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
