How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
