Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
