I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize