i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
