Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
