I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize