thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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