You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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