ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
