I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
