We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
