I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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