we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
