Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pants are for mortals
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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