woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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