uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
