I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
