Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
