I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
