I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
