Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
