Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
