i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
