ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just crazy horny about you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
