I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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