If i come over, it means nothing
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
