you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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