Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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