Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
