when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize