Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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