dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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