1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize