I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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