I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize