Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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