Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
