I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
