I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize