I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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